Post by "Classy" Mike C on Sept 13, 2012 9:57:05 GMT -6
He's back. Officially. We all saw it last week.
No, I'm not talking about Classy Mike C taking place in some crummy tag team match with some crummy guys who he cares little about. I'm talking about his little "tête-à-tête", shall we say, with Steve...ahem "Ace"...Marley.
Now Mike C is not normally a man who disrespects referees...well, he is, but that is beyond the point. The point is Mike C wouldn't normally attack an authority figure...well, he would, but anyway...what was I saying? No matter, let's catch up now with Mike C who might be able to give us an insight into what went on...and why...
Mike C is at a sporting goods store. Its a nice, early autumn afternoon, and there's plenty of people there buying there kids little jerseys and shinpads and bats...fresh from their beloved kids joining some crappy little league no doubt. Mike C isn't there for that...Mike C is there for a new bat...a cricket bat...
Mike C: The cricketing calendar is, as always, moving to the South hemisphere soon. Gone will be the afternoons on the village green, willow-on-oak and warm cider and all that...in their place the hazy sub-continent and ice cold VB and a "land down under, where women glow and men plunder...". But one thing remains constant when it comes to cricket...and that is Classy Mike C and his trusty cricket bat.
You all know, love and remember Mike C's cricket bat don't you? The one that he used to decimate Phantom and Mark Force? The one that helped establish the USA as the driving force in USPW? No? Well, I guess you're all a bit too "new school".
Mike C: But here's a little secret for you all...(faux whispering) it isn't always the same bat. And that's why I'm here to buy a new one.
As Mike C finishes his statement a shop assistant, your stereotypical slacker teen, walks past.
Mike C: Excuse me mat, where do you keep the cricket bats?
Assistant: Huh?
Mike C: The cricket bats? You know, like a baseball bat...but flatter...
Assistant: We don't do those dude...you might want to try, like, going back to Wales or wherever...
The assistant slopes off. Mike C looks annoyed. He's no Welshmen, he has the correct number of fingers and toes...
Mike C: Ah ignorance...the disease of today's society. Its one of the reasons I was so reluctant about coming back to USPW, indeed one of the reasons why I'm still reluctant...I don't like people who aren't intelligent y'see...and I don't like people who don't respect those who deserve respect. It might be transparent but I'm talking about YOU ACE!
Mike C, as he utters those last lines, gives a half-hearted Hogan-esque point at the camera. I think he's being sarcastic.
Mike C: Now we all learnt something last week...the public, the consumer...the USPW fans...are glad to have me back to save this company. Heck, if you brought back Phantom and Mark Force as well maybe the pay-per-view buy rates might double to four...but we also learnt that some people in this company need reminding of the status quo. I didn't know much about you Marley...frankly, I still don't. But I also didn't care much about you...and frankly...well, you get the idea. But what I saw was a little, jumped up scrote who didn't understand that the only reason you are here is because I enabled this company to prosper. I am the greatest World Champion this company ever had...I am the only USPW superstar to have any sort of respect coming out of the Ultratitle tournament...I am the only reason that anyone might want to watch this flea-fest. You can take your Damien Vincents and Mike Maloneys and Your Pointless Distractions and stick them...I am the alpha and the omega of USPW and I will show you all how a true legend performs. On the microphone, in the ring, even on commentary...I am more than just a plagiarising bastard...
A point for anyone who gets that reference...
Mike C: And I am more than your boring, everyday, ten-a-penny rent-a-gimmick. Marley, you're the first person I meet one-on-one in this company, and when I'm done with you I'll have the Global Title in spitting distance. See you in the ring kid, the redemption of USPW starts here.
And, like all classic wrestling promos...we fade to black...
No, I'm not talking about Classy Mike C taking place in some crummy tag team match with some crummy guys who he cares little about. I'm talking about his little "tête-à-tête", shall we say, with Steve...ahem "Ace"...Marley.
Now Mike C is not normally a man who disrespects referees...well, he is, but that is beyond the point. The point is Mike C wouldn't normally attack an authority figure...well, he would, but anyway...what was I saying? No matter, let's catch up now with Mike C who might be able to give us an insight into what went on...and why...
Mike C is at a sporting goods store. Its a nice, early autumn afternoon, and there's plenty of people there buying there kids little jerseys and shinpads and bats...fresh from their beloved kids joining some crappy little league no doubt. Mike C isn't there for that...Mike C is there for a new bat...a cricket bat...
Mike C: The cricketing calendar is, as always, moving to the South hemisphere soon. Gone will be the afternoons on the village green, willow-on-oak and warm cider and all that...in their place the hazy sub-continent and ice cold VB and a "land down under, where women glow and men plunder...". But one thing remains constant when it comes to cricket...and that is Classy Mike C and his trusty cricket bat.
You all know, love and remember Mike C's cricket bat don't you? The one that he used to decimate Phantom and Mark Force? The one that helped establish the USA as the driving force in USPW? No? Well, I guess you're all a bit too "new school".
Mike C: But here's a little secret for you all...(faux whispering) it isn't always the same bat. And that's why I'm here to buy a new one.
As Mike C finishes his statement a shop assistant, your stereotypical slacker teen, walks past.
Mike C: Excuse me mat, where do you keep the cricket bats?
Assistant: Huh?
Mike C: The cricket bats? You know, like a baseball bat...but flatter...
Assistant: We don't do those dude...you might want to try, like, going back to Wales or wherever...
The assistant slopes off. Mike C looks annoyed. He's no Welshmen, he has the correct number of fingers and toes...
Mike C: Ah ignorance...the disease of today's society. Its one of the reasons I was so reluctant about coming back to USPW, indeed one of the reasons why I'm still reluctant...I don't like people who aren't intelligent y'see...and I don't like people who don't respect those who deserve respect. It might be transparent but I'm talking about YOU ACE!
Mike C, as he utters those last lines, gives a half-hearted Hogan-esque point at the camera. I think he's being sarcastic.
Mike C: Now we all learnt something last week...the public, the consumer...the USPW fans...are glad to have me back to save this company. Heck, if you brought back Phantom and Mark Force as well maybe the pay-per-view buy rates might double to four...but we also learnt that some people in this company need reminding of the status quo. I didn't know much about you Marley...frankly, I still don't. But I also didn't care much about you...and frankly...well, you get the idea. But what I saw was a little, jumped up scrote who didn't understand that the only reason you are here is because I enabled this company to prosper. I am the greatest World Champion this company ever had...I am the only USPW superstar to have any sort of respect coming out of the Ultratitle tournament...I am the only reason that anyone might want to watch this flea-fest. You can take your Damien Vincents and Mike Maloneys and Your Pointless Distractions and stick them...I am the alpha and the omega of USPW and I will show you all how a true legend performs. On the microphone, in the ring, even on commentary...I am more than just a plagiarising bastard...
A point for anyone who gets that reference...
Mike C: And I am more than your boring, everyday, ten-a-penny rent-a-gimmick. Marley, you're the first person I meet one-on-one in this company, and when I'm done with you I'll have the Global Title in spitting distance. See you in the ring kid, the redemption of USPW starts here.
And, like all classic wrestling promos...we fade to black...